Everytime after I’ve sorted my thoughts out and I’ve felt better, feeling ready to move on, something big will come along and crush on me.

After all those incidents I posted on my blog have happened, then came the paypal account issue. Then after that came the confirmation of something I've always dreaded the most. And now, the car accident. Plus lots and lots of small minor problems that just don’t go my way. Inbetween of every incident, I’ve told myself I need to stay strong and move on. Stay strong and move on I did, till problems and problems will always crush on me, bringing me back down to square 1.

What have I done to deserve all these? I wonder…

My car is at the work shop now, undergoing repairs. And here comes another problem. The fees. I’m definitely not going to have enough money to pay for the fees plus, I’m still in debt. Please give me a solution for this…

The paypal account I’ve waited for months to get it going. Now that everything is set and ready to go, its giving me problems and won’t allow me to receive funds till I provide information of something that I don’t have! My shoes will definitely not be able to sell by the dateline given by my mother if I don’t start selling now. And paypal is ever so slow with their replies to my emails.

I believe, the relationship between me and her now is officially over. She has made it very clear that its over between the both of us. I’m regretting now to have fallen in love with a girl so deeply, so deeply that I changed so much without myself knowing. Changed to someone so different from the person she thought I would be till she couldn’t accept me anymore. I don’t know what kind of effect this will have on me in the future. Probably I won’t be able to love anyone else as deeply as I loved her. But deep down inside, I’m still hoping for a chance to be given by her.

I felt so tired, I slept at around 11 in the morning after the long, dreadful night. I dreamt of her again. It has become a routine. And I woke up 4 hours later, not being able to sleep anymore. I’m still tired. Tired from all the things that have crushed on me. Tired from trying to climb up after falling and falling so many times. Tired of my life…

In a fit of anger, I made an entry at my blog. Telling whoever’s up there to not stop crushing me down. And somehow at times after posting that up, I really feel that way. So that I come to a point where I can’t take it anymore and decide upon something that will end my misery...