Saturation...
Monday, 28 July 2008 @ 7/28/2008 04:23:00 am
Waking up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep anymore… In fact, I’ve yet to sleep one bit and I’m still wide awake. SO many things in my mind, I can’t seem to be able to settle down and go to bed. I come online, hoping to look for someone to chat with. But I’ve lost all my MSN contacts, all my friends are “no more”. I feel so lonely right now, nothing to do, no one to talk to and unable to sleep.
Work has been occupying my thoughts. Close to 7 months into the first full-time job that I have in the journey of my life. It has been strenuous. It never seems to end, it keeps coming and it’s been accumulating. I think that’s what you call “hitting the wall”. I miss the life I had as a full-time student. Living a carefree life, not much commitments and especially the holidays. I’m flattered by the expectations that my superiors have of me but it seems as if after all the time I’ve spent working on it, I never seem to be able to complete any of them. I guess my capabilities are limited after all.
I was a student studying part-time, looking to get a job to make use of the free time that I have on hand. To gain some experience in the working world and to earn some pocket money. But for work, I’ve sacrificed all the things that I loved to do. I am no longer able to find time to do my favorite past-time, fishing. I can’t even give commitment to the basketball team I’ve played for the past 2 years. I’ve sacrificed my weekends, going back to work on Saturdays and Sundays. Its already been 22 consecutive days I’ve gone back to work to clear my stuff and at the same time struggling to complete my school projects and assignments I have on hand. And I’ve been sacrificing my studies for work. I’m exhausted, I’m saturated. I yearn so much for a break and the breaks I’ve got from work were either when I fell sick or when I took leave to complete my school projects and assignments. Is all this worth it? I definitely do not wish to jeopardize my studies for work. I only wanted to get a job to gain some experience and earn some pocket money. Not for it to hog up all my time and burden me with plenty of commitments.
I love the job. People are great, its one of my interests and there’re lots of things for me to learn. But my studies definitely come first. Has it been worth it? Should I go on?
